A Troubling Paradox

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For at least four and a half decades I have loathed the prospect of being old. About four and a half days ago I realized that I have a deep wish to live a long time.

Is this completely vacuous? Is there anything at all being said?

When at age 26 I wrote my suicide note I apparently did't realize that I wanted to live a long time, or perhaps I thought another 39 years was a long time. However when, in 2004, I skipped gaily right through the appointed year I didn't remember that my time was up and it wasn't until last week that I realized that even now I want a lot more. But I still don't want to be old, ever!

My wife was right, right?