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Forgive me, but some ideas are just so brilliant that they require boasting.
Some gifts are obligatory, others are not. Unfortunately it is likely that most gifts are of the obligatory sort, like birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, and now I guess Valentines Day. What's next, Columbus Day? I'm sure the national office of the Chamber of Commerce and Hallmark Cards are jointly working on a reason why it too should be honored with a gift. As a person who has a lot of trouble with obligations of all sorts, I have long thought that the spontaneous gift, the gift that is inspired by the giver's recognition of the perfect complementarity of the gift and giftee, is a far superior gift. Maybe this is just the rationalization of a cheap and lazy man.
I must admit to a bit of pride in some of the measures taken to meet my gift obligations over the years. Early on there was a wry note written to my father explaining how, despite my honest intent and sincere wish to honor his birthday by cleaning up his basement work area, not even Hercules could actually accomplish that task. By far the most frequent recipient of a last minute, not-from-any-store type gift from me is my dear wife. These gifts have been of three general types: the gift of an item owned by me and hated by her, which once gifted can be removed from the premises, (a certain lawn chair was the first in this category), the gift of exclusive use of a previously shared item. A couple of years ago I gave her the controller that commands our bedroom TV. It now bears a note that reads, "This controller belongs to Beth Gibson. If your name is not Beth Gibson put it down immediately." And finally of course there is the gift of improved future behavior which can be given by anyone who has not always behaved perfectly in the past. At the moment no example comes to mind, but I know I have used this and in fact it can be a great gift.
Beth's birthday is in October. One year after I had honored the day with one of the above type gifts I was soundly scolded by a great friend whose husband once gave her a surprise Jaguar automobile for her birthday. On Christmas eve that year I walked through a lovely snow storm the two or three miles to our nearest mall and there at a very nice ladies store I bought a red satin night gown. This night gown was worn for about twenty minutes on the night of the 25th and then returned, by Beth, on the 26th.
I'm getting close now to the point. Yesterday I believe I made my most inspired gift. It was not obligatory. It was spontaneous, thoughtful, of impressive value to the recipient, and best of all, not only painless to me, but in fact liberating. Yesterday I gave my wife my hair. Not all of it actually, but all above my mouth, in ascending order, mustache, nose, ear, eye brow and head. It's now all hers to do with as she wishes. And she has wishes, as I do not, which was always somewhat troublesome for us. But no more. One more step toward marital Nirvana.
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Paul: I like your views on gifts because they are so much a part of who you are and because they make good points to some of us, who like me, take finding the right present for the occasion perhaps a little too seriously.
ReplyDeleteBut I wonder if you are not counting, as presents, the types of kind and thoughtful things that one should do anyway. Even a little child thinks of a present as something that comes in an intriguing box with paper and ribbon. It is mysterious and offers so much possibility-- especially sitting under a Christmas tree for a number of days. It is special, something that doesn't happen every day. Something the giver thought about and made some small sacrifice in time and money to get just for you. It honors the child in us because children are the best recipients of presents.