The Premier

Robby-o and Jenuliette

Prologue

The director comes onto the apron and says something like:
Welcome. Thank you for coming. Romeo and Juliette, Shakespeare's tragic drama of young love has been transformed many times in time, place and form including ballet, opera, and Broadway musical. Tonight you will see it as no one before you ever has. Sit back now and enjoy both a classic story and a brand new art form; yogic drama.

Act I Scene 1: Yoga class on a sandy beach where in the background the iconic Santa Monica pier runs out into the ocean. The instructor is dressed in blue and red. There are 20 students 10 men and 10 women, half in red and half in blue with the reds stage R and the blues stage L. Robby-o wears a shade of blue with a bit more red in it and Jenuliette is in red, but a shade with a bit more blue than her friends'. Led by the teacher, the class is doing Sun Salutations. They count together "105, 106…." When they reach l08 all except the teacher are exhausted. Now that they are well warmed up the teacher leads the group into the warrior poses flowing from Warrior I to Warrior II, to Warrior III. The red and the blue groups face one another. They are vigorous and menacing as they go through the poses. It is clear they are not simply doing yoga poses. They are addressing one another. Their mutual hate is palpable. After the warrior series the teacher tells them in a soothing voice to move into diamond pose. The tension fades as the students start to ooooooom. All the students are facing the teacher but R and J are slyly stealing glances at one another. The class ends and the students depart except for R and J. R asks the teacher for help with his downward dog. As the teacher coaches R, J stands around doing some stretches and coyly watching. R actually does a great downward dog and is really just showing off. Explaining that she must leave, the teacher asks J if she could give R a hand with his pose. The teacher leaves and J begins to look boldly and approvingly at R. After just a moment a male in red enters, takes J roughly by the wrist and pulls her off the stage.
Curtain.

Scene 2: In the dim light of dawn J is holding a beautiful Half Moon Pose atop a bulkhead in a large park-like space. After a moment R comes on stage and walks to a spot beneath her. He stands still, looking at J and then turning his back he raises his arms straight over his head while his right foot is raised and pressed against his left inner thigh. After a moment, just as the moon is setting, J breaks her pose and moving slowly to the edge of the bulkhead above R she stoops, places her hands on R's head and stretches one foot down to his up raised thigh. Shifting her hands to his shoulders she passes her weight onto him and, as if descending from a tree, slides down his back to the ground. He turns to face her, stands perfectly still and then executes Triangle Pose. J follows suit. They hold the pose for a few moments and then J eases into Extended Angle Pose. The actors continue assuming a variety of poses, taking turns in choosing. At the beginning of the scene the thermostat controlling the temperature in the auditorium is turned to 105 degrees. As the actors continue with their poses everyone in the house begins to sweat. The actors begin with standing poses, then progress to sitting poses, very near to one another, and finally they find themselves lying on the floor doing Cobra, Boat Pose, etc. They work silently until, as J arches into Bridge Pose she breathes, "Oh Robby-o, I'm hot as Bikram Hatha. "Me too" says Robby-o, and the stage goes dark.

 

Act II The teacher is in her yoga studio, seated in Hero's Pose. Robby-o enters and takes up the same pose at the teacher's side. His costume is notably more purple than it had been. He waits for her to withdraw from her meditative state and turn her attention to her young student.
T: Namaste
R: Namaste. Ma'am, I have a problem, but I think perhaps you can help. I don't know who else to ask.
T: What is your problem?
R: Ma'am, I am in love with Jenuliette.
T: Ah. And she does not return your feelings?
R: Oh no. She does return my love.
T: Then what is the problem? She is a fine girl.
R: I think perhaps you do not know my full name – or hers.
T: So what is your name?
R: My name is Robby-o Montague-McCoy.
T: Oh, you mean your father, a Montague, married a girl from the McCoy clan.
R: Yes
T: And I suppose Jenuliette is Jenuliette Hatfield-Capulet.
R: Exactly!
T: Oh yes. I see the problem. Well what can I do?
R: Ma'am, we would like to get married. We think that if we were married our fathers could no longer maintain the feud that has plagued our families for so long. But we can find no one to perform the ceremony. Of course we must be discreet in our search. If either of our fathers were to learn what we have in mind one of us would surely be sent away. I thought perhaps you would be sympathetic and be able to help us find an officiant.
T: Well Robby-o, you are in luck. Just last week I received my ordination, on line. You know you don't make that much teaching yoga. I needed something to fill out my revenue stream. When shall we do this?
R: Can we come here tonight. The McCoy-Capulets are giving a grand mascaraed ball. I will attend, in disguise of course, and we will slip away together.
T: That sounds fine. I'll be waiting.
Robby-o struggles a bit getting to his feet and gingerly straightens his legs, as the curtain falls.

 

Act III Scene 1: Three days after the wedding. The teacher is in her studio, lying on her back with an eye bag covering her eyes. Her cell phone chimes the first four notes of Musetta's Aria from La Bohme. It's Robby-o.
Robby-o: Oh teacher, we are in trouble. Our plan did not work out so well. Our fathers still hate each other and they are also mad at us. And they're not so happy with you as a matter of fact. Jenuilette's father is planning to put her in a Scientology convent. She'll never get out of there. I'll never see her again.

The Teacher: Well how can I help?
Robby-o: Tell me Teacher, is there a proper pose for suicide?
The Teacher: WHAT????
Robby-o: We have decided that we would rather die together than live apart, so I am wondering if there is a proper pose for suicide.
The Teacher: Yoga is life affirming and healthful. There is no such pose. Have I taught you nothing?
After a long silence the teacher speaks. I have an idea that may help you, however it is dangerous and I would not suggest it if you were not so desperate. This is what you must do.

 
Curtain


Act III Scene 2
One week after the wedding. The teacher is in her studio. She is in Head Stand. Angry shouts are heard at the door and then two men burst in. Their costumes are respectively bright red and blue. The teacher does not break her pose or her silence. The men are frantic. One keeps referring to "that slut" and the other is equally vociferous about "that raping bastard". The men continue to rant and run around angrily bumping into one another and making threatening gestures. The teacher is also an object of their wrath. When several minutes have passed the teacher lowers her feet and serenely moves to Lotus Pose. Finally she speaks. "Gentlemen, your children are in mortal danger. If you want to help them you must calm down, and you must do so soon. There is not much time."
Montague: (shouting) What are you saying? What do you know?
The teacher sits perfectly still, the picture of serenity. Finally the men begin to calm themselves. When they ultimately fall silent she motions them to be seated on a pair of yoga mats. Herself moving to Diamond Pose, she instructs them to do the same. They understand that she knows something and that she will only reveal it on her own terms. They are also alarmed by her earlier statement.

The Teacher: Your children want your feud to end and for you to accept their love which I must say is as pure and beautiful as any I've ever known. Faced with your cruel attitudes they have taken a very risky step. Please look at my new 90 inch high definition TV which I just bought with some money I earned doing a wedding.

The screen comes on and they see a lumber mill with a conveyer belt that moves logs into the teeth of an 8 foot wide circular saw. The saw is turning at a high rate, but instead of an old growth cedar log on the conveyor the horrified fathers see their children. They are sidewise to the spinning blade in a modified Child's Pose. They kneel side by side with Jenuliette's right leg, hip and shoulder pressed against the left leg, hip and shoulder of Robby-o. They bend at the waist with heads lowered to the conveyor belt and arms stretched ahead. Robby-o's left arm is slid inside Jenuliette's right arm and the fingers of those hands are interlocked. Shackles at their wrists and ankles hold them to the conveyor belt which is creeping very slowly forward. Their costumes are now the identical shade of purple.
The Teacher: Gentlemen you are about to be tested. Robby-o and Jenuliette have chosen to put themselves in their current place in order to get you two to cooperate and work in harmony. If you do so they can be saved. If you do not, they will perish. Here is your task.

 

The teacher leads the two men over to a nearby table. The top is gimbaled like the compass of a ship, that is, it tilts left and right on one axis and up and down on the perpendicular axis. Six inch boards around the edge of the table top form a wall. Within the wall other boards, on edge, form a multi-turning path around the table top. The path begins in one corner and works its way to the opposite corner. Spread along the length of the path are ten holes. The path is four inches wide. The holes are two inches wide. At the end of the path is a slot all the way across the width of the path. Outside the walls that surround the table top, on two adjacent sides are handles about 40 inches apart. These handles can be used to tilt the table, one pair on the north-south axis and the other pair on the east-west axis. A steel ball, 1.5 inches in diameter rests at the starting point of the path. The fathers' task is to start the ball at the beginning of the path and by tilting the table top cause it to roll along the path to the slot at the far end, without allowing the ball to fall into any of the holes along the way. Each father will control one pair of handles and thus the tilt on one axis. The table has an internet connection to the conveyor at the saw mill. The conveyor, which continues a slow, but inexorable movement toward the saw, is set to jump forward one foot each time a ball falls through one of the holes in the path. If and when the ball falls through the slot at the end, the shackles will release and the lovers will be free.

 

The fathers assume Table Top Tilting Pose and begin to try to save their children. The teacher settles into the Lotus Position. Pressing one nostril closed, she inhales deeply.

 
The young man drew his hands back from the keyboard, sat up straight on his fitness ball and stretched his arms up over his head. He stretched hard for about a minute before relaxing. Then he sat still, thinking. He was feeling pretty good, pretty darn good. It may not be high art, but he thought it was at least mildly amusing. And so what? He had created Performance Yoga, a whole new art form. He was feeling pretty good indeed. But at the same time he was deeply perplexed.
How, he wondered, should the play end? To emphasize the newness of the form it would be better to stick with the story as it had always been told. He had already left out the two killings in Act II and, he thought, the more novelty in the plot, the less noticeable would be the originality of the form. To change the ending might be going too far. On the other hand, he did love yoga and he thought it would be pretty cool to have the power of that discipline change tragedy to joy. Maybe the lovers should survive.

Once again his hands stretched out to the keyboard.

 

 

But the fathers can't get it right. They are crazed with fear and loathing. Each time the ball falls through a hole they curse one another. They repeat their efforts again and again, but they never get past the second hole. Finally one says, "Wait. We must do better. We've got to cooperate. I have an idea. Try this.

Stand still there in your place facing the table, with your arms at your side, feet together. Take a deep breath. Now separate your feet. The other father who has practiced yoga for many years has an idea where his partner/rival is going. He follows the instructions. Now raise your arms to shoulder height, palms down. Now bend your knee nearest to me till your thigh is flat, but keep the other leg straight. As he talks he also takes the actions described. They are now facing each other at right angles in Warrior II. Again the father speaks.

If we are to save our children, those whom we cradled in our arms on their first day of life, they who need us now as never before, we must get out of Warrior Pose. Please, lower your arms. As they drop their hands to their sides they turn the palms forward in a gesture of supplication. The speaker says, Let this new pose be known as Warrior Not. As they hold the pose the filters on their respective spot lights change so that their costume colors change to purple. After a moment the speaker says, "Now let us save our children."

They grasp the handles and begin to manipulate the table. They immediately begin to do better. On the first try they get past three holes before the ball drops through. They keep at it. Four holes. Six holes. Eight holes. There are setbacks, but they are getting better. Finally they get past hole nine and slowly, with excruciating care they roll the ball towards the last remaining hole before the slot of salvation at the end of the path. An alarm sounds from the TV and the audience sees that Robby-o is but 20 inches from the spinning blade when the ball falls through hole number ten. Without looking at the screen the fathers replace the ball at the start and carefully manipulate it along the path past hole one, past hole two, past holes three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine and just as they get to hole ten Robby-o's hip reaches the giant blade. I love you Jenuilette, he says as he bites down on the capsule of fast acting poison that he has been holding in his teeth. He dies in an instant, just as the ball drops in the slot at the end of the path. The saw blade freezes and the shackles fly open. Jenuliette, seeing Robby-o's lifeless body, with an anguished scream, bites down hard.

 

The End