If Cows Could Talk

If cows could talk and you asked one to speak to you of God I wonder if she would reply that in the bible (the cow bible that is,I follow the Queen Elsie version here) it is written, "So God created cows in her own image and in the image of God created she them."

And if so you might say, "What????? You think God is somehow like a cow?????"

And the cow might reply, "Well what do you think, that God is somehow like a man, Her most flawed creation of all? Ha!"

"Well do you think cows are God's greatest creation?"

"No. Of course not. Her greatest creation was indirect. First she created grass. Then she created cows and gave them extra stomachs so that they could digest the grass and turn it into milk. Then, in order to make up for the mistake of creating human beings at all, she used that poor flawed beast to create the best thing ever which is, of course, ice cream."

It's 11:00 PM. I think I'll go have a little right now.