Advice

It's quite common for my wife and me to receive dinner invitations from purveyors of financial advice.  Since these events are generally at pretty nice restaurants it is also common for us to accept.  Since I have a pretty strong conviction that it is unwise to pay for anything as ephemeral as financial advice we have never availed ourselves of anything more than the dinner.  Such a dinner about a year ago led to the composition of the following paragraphs.

Thank you very much for dinner. It was easily the best I’ve had since I quit eating animals about two years ago. I must nevertheless decline your offer to help manage our assets. On the other hand I do have some advice for you. I offer it in descending order of importance.

Quit your job and find a new one that is done on your feet, preferably outside. Millions of years of evolution prepared homo sapiens to be hunters and gatherers. For only 10,000 years have we even been stationary on the land and for only about 100 years have most of us been professional users of desks. We are evolved to work outside, on our feet.

Get an average bike and really good rain gear. Leave you car at home as much as possible.

If at all possible reconcile with you wife. I’m confident that splitting up was the most costly thing you’ve ever done in both monetary and personal terms.

Live within your means, humble though they may be in your new job, (see above). If you must own a car, let it be a very modest model.

Place any financial assets you have in a no-load fund that tracks the S & P 500 and forget about it. The “forget about it” is the most important part.

I will conclude by expressing my deep respect for three things I am aware that you have accomplished. I would be proud to say that I had done any of, playing division one football, getting an engineering degree or flying a jet plane. I wish you the best.


The letter was never sent.